“Love is for Suckers” by Syd Rae

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love may be for suckers but it is not for the weak at heart….there may be 100 different kinds of love…but the one i know best is the one where the one you love the most is the one who doesn’t love you back….this may well be considered totally pathetic….but when its all you know…you learn to use it to your advantage or disadvantage….when a heart breaks enough times…well….nothing changes….some people say that the scar tissue from repetitive heartbreak actually hinders future love…and…well…in my case….i must have a crazy resilient heart cause nothing has changed….the first boy i ever loved broke up with me on valentines day when I was 14. he did this because apparently he had impeccable timing and also because he couldn’t make love to me and walk along the pews of his church, the books begging his sins or look at his mother the same way he did as a child…its funny because the people who have given me the greatest gifts are the ones that i dont want them from….a couple of schizophrenics in my cafe brought me a couple of flowers they tore from a neighbors yard after one of their visits with the electric shock doc or an old drunk who gave me a copy of pynchon’s gravity’s rainbow inscribed with the details that took up numerous pages of the front covers detailing why he left this very same book on the hood of a beautiful strangers car in florida 30 years ago….the first lines of this book by the way are “and a screaming comes across the sky”…this is as far as I’ve gotten….because it does…..a screaming comes across the sky everyday…if youre like me…if youre not lucky enough to drink, or smoke, or fuck your love away….it pulls on your eyes at night and asks you….how…why….well i’ll tell you….cause thats not how it happens for me….love is something that stays under my nose….a scent so enchanting that i forget that i cant have it….and maybe its not just me….maybe its supposed to be that thing that you chase at night in yours dreams bloody from the inexhaustible search for something that you were never meant to have….i tell myself if i had it…..if i could just taste for a second again this elusive love that tears at the minds of men in their most vulnerable states that I would be able to write again….but thats not it at all….the best poems from the best writers across the most infamous of centuries have come from this time in the life…everyday for me….but for them…this royal upset that is love unrequited has born the most generous and strikingly dark and gorgeous stories….so i have to say that love may be for suckers…but the sickness of love…the fatalities of love….arent. what i’ve learned from love is that regret is where love goes to die and if you cant handle the occasional knife up the skirt of time…then youre probably lucky.